Day Eighteen – Ate Cooked Again! but taking it as an opportunity

So last night was very difficult. Something was going in within me. I was so restless. I peed like a million times in the night. I felt anxious. Almost noxious, but not quite. I couldn’t sleep. I had a tender pain in my uterus. Its got to be the fibroids. They are acting weird. They changed shape. Instead of being round they are flattening, but in the process, taking over my entire belly. Weird, it like they are turning into flat pancakes. As much as I wanted to, last night I sustained from eating anything bad. I woke up tired but with energy, if that makes sense. I felt light and on my feet, but my head was tired. Or it was my head was awake but my body was tired. I couldn’t tell. But I did know that one was not in sync with the other. Still, when I worked out, I felt great. I wasn’t tired after that. Than I went most of the day eating raw, up until I went to my parents’ restaurant.




This is when things went astray. With out much thought, I ate a hummus raw sandwich. How do I keep myself from doing this I wonder? How do I keep myself straight? Oh, how I want to make it second nature in my head that I will eat raw and the good raw, fruits and green leafy veggies, only. This is the only food out there, besides maybe occasional seaweed and sprouts. Than the vicious patern started. I went to eat Mexican food, which I have been craving for days. Than I ate more food at Whole Foods, even though after the Mexican food, my stomach couldn’t bear anymore. This is how I feel now. I want to describe it in full because I hope to read this next time I get urges.



1) I feel like my body is going to explode. There is so much pressure in my stomach.

2) I feel physical pain from the pressure

3) I feel angry. I am not feeling loving or alive like I do when I stay on raw for a while.

4) I feel defeated.

5) I feel hopeless to get through this.

6) I feel like the pain of the detox is much more worthwhile and giving than this pain so why do I do it.



I will continue to write more tomorrow. I know that I will be feeling it than with retention, inflammation, and weight gain. Plus not detoxing very well.



I also want to add that I see so many people out there that are heavy and sickly looking. I see the world is imbalanced in this regard. I see beautiful human bodies that have been mistreated and are latterly dying. I see the shame in that these humans will never enjoy life to its fullest nor love and give love to its fullest, in a world that so needs it right now. I want to fight to bring more balance to the world. I want to be the energy that is positive and not adding to the negativity in this world. I believe that being on raw is something more than about me. Its about the rest of the world and about being one with nature again. Its about being harmonious with the living energy that creates all and is all good.



My weight today is: 124.6